This is the part where someone gets hurt.

to many emotions and feelings all getting chucked around like they mean nothing, along with those three words that everyone uses so easily "i love you" i think people are forgetting the meaning of them.

we all go for what makes us happy but sometimes we dont no what that is and thats where people get hurt, when you experiment with love and when it doesnt work you move right on leaving the other person behind hurt.

as teenagers we need to take time to figure out if this is right before we experiement because yes we all get hurt but sometimes we can stop the heartbreak that happens.

so just think...

So Confused and unsure how to handle this situation.

everythings happening at once and leaving me no time to think things through but i think we are ok with where we are now and i think i am happy with that.

i just dont no, all i know is that i dont want to get hurt like last time.

xo

a song that i can reli relate to :) so i thought id share it

Another you- Cascada

So many times i was alone and couldn't sleep, you left me drowning in the tears of memory.

and ever since you've gone iv found it hard to breathe coz there was so much that your heart just couldnt see,

a thousand wasted dreams rolling off my eyes, times been healing me and i say goodbye,

Coz i can breathe again, dream again, ill be on the road again, like it used to be the other day, now i feel free again, so innocent coz someone makes me whole again for sure, ill find another you.

could you imagine someone else is by my side iv been afraid i couldnt keep myself from falling, my heart was always searching for a place to hide, could not await the dawn to bring another day. your not the only one so hear me when i say the thoughts of you they just fade away,

Coz i can breathe again, dream again, ill be on the road again, like it used to be the other day, now i feel free again, so innocent coz someone makes me whole again for sure, ill find another you.

sometimes i see you when i close my eyes, your still apart of my life.

but i can breathe again, dream again, ill be on the road again, like it used to be the other day, now i feel free again, so innocent coz someone makes me whole again for sure, ill find another you.

and the feeling of being left out returns...

its back :( i thought it would be gone for awhile but its returned, i should have known.

i look around and all i see is people getting along real well with each other in there groups then away in the corner theres me, the quiet girl who gets left behind.

i try to be louder, to talk more and to fit in but i cant because thats just not me, i cant be who im not.

i get so annoyed with myself for not joining in but as much as i try i actually cant, you may think its easy and i cant explain why i think its hard. its just who i am and thats all that explains it.

i have wished plenty of times that i could change that fact about me but iv learnt that as much as you dream and wish about it they dont come true.

well i guess this is me and im guna have to live with it. but it wont stop me wishing to change myself and aslong as that doesnt come true ill continue being the one standing in the corner, the quiet one getting left behind.

Locked In My Heart Slowly Ripping It To Pieces

I dont go a day without thinking about you, your locked in my heart, i wish i still had you in my arms.

i miss it. the hugs, the kisses, the affection, everything about what we had. i just want it back! the feelings are still in my heart and the memories are still in my head.

i dont no what to do. i cant seem to move on from you and why i feel this way i dont no. i dont want to love you anymore but these feelings wont leave. and as long as they are there i will continue to hurt everytime i see other couples in each others arms because i had that untill you took it away from me and ended us. and ill continue to be alone untill your gone from my heart because with you in it i cant let anyone else in.

i let you in my heart, locked you in and threw away the key because i thought you would be mine forever.
but now looking back i cant believe i fell for you that much because i still cant unlock my heart to let you out and the only thing your doing in there is slowly ripping it apart.
and your just about ripping it into pieces beyond repair.


"why do i love you? i dont even want to" -westlife

still in my head.

i thought going away for awhile would help me to get over you and everything would go back to the way it was before but i guess it was wrong.

so now im home and still all i can think about is you, i lie awake in bed thinking about the things we did and all the memories.

i want you back but i know that isnt possible, i need to move on but that seems just as impossible :(

i never thought you would make such an impact on me like you did and i dont know why but i still love you. ♥

i never see you and i never txt or talk to you anymore so why do i still have all these thoughts about you going round my head? why do i still love you after everything that happened?

why are you still in my head?

can you please just leave.

Leaving it all behind

i cant wait to leave this crap in New Zealand and ditch everything for a week.

leaving my thoughts behind and going to vanuatu seems like a fantastic idea at the moment.
it will be so fun and exciting, i cant wait!

hopefully when i come back i will be back up from this constant down buzz. and i will be able to stay that way.
i will be so full of stories and memories i wont be able to contain myself and hopefully my happiness will rub off on others :)

im sorry im leaving at this time :( but im sure things will sort themselves out for you.
i will buy you something reli cool hopefully :) to make up for my absence.

i will miss you all and im gutted i wont be able to contact you at all :(
but i will txt as soon as i get back into New Zealand!

so for now i bid goodbye to this crap and these thoughts that i will hopefully leave behind :)

xo

no longer caring.

im over it! i worry about being accepted, being liked etc but i dont care anymore.

you can love me, completely ignore me or hate me all you like but honestly im not worried anymore.
i dont need you because all you do is bring me down and i can do that all by myself, i dont need your help.
at the moment im trying so desperately to get up, you have no idea how hard it is when im still thinking about you so im going to give up now, you should be happy.

i realise now that if i didnt keep txting you etc then i would have never heard from you, so now instead of txtn you hoping to get a reply when i never do, im going to give up and if you want to stay friends then for once you txt me first and ill be happy to txt you.

it wont stop

the feeling and the thoughts. they wont go away.

my head is full of you and its slowly crushing me.

the thoughts just go round and round all day untill i feel like im going to explode and scream!

i cant take it anymore.

i never thought i would say this but i actually want to forget because all its doing is making me brake inside till the point where i dont know if i can be fixed.

all i can think about is memories with you and i cant stand to see other couples so happy because all it does is reminds me of you. i see them together talking, flirting and holding hands which brings up an image of us in my head and i have to try so hard not to cry.

can you just please leave my thoughts and give me my broken heart back so it might have a chance of getting back together so i can carry on with life.

admitting its over.

i dont want to admit it!

i love you and i never wanted this to happen. i wanted us to talk about it and then carry on together but you thought differently.

i was so happy, the happiest i have been in forever but now im back to where i started but only this time its worse because i thought we could last, i thought you were the one. i felt things for you that i had never felt before. i can honestly say i truly loved you.

all these feeling are still there and i cant bring myself to let them go.

you were a dream come true but of course i had to wake up from that dream.

we promised each other we would be together forever and i was dumb enough to believe it.

i pictured my life with you and i could see it happening.

i thought i had finally found my happily ever after and now that your gone iv given up on ever finding that again.

iv cryed a million tears for you and i think theres still more to come.

im sick of crying and im sick of all this pain but i have the feeling that they arent going to go away for awhile yet.

i need to stop loving you but i dont think i can, you meant to much.

i will always love you my guardian angel xo please dont forget me.

♥

I love you but...

i seem to be sending you a few txts lately with the words "hello r u there?" and then never getting a reply untill i send a few more and then im lucky if i get a reply.

i dunno maybe its just me but you have drifted, its like you have no time for me anymore with work and friends all being more important than me, i get left behind.

i know its not always your fault but i miss what we were like at the start.

i want us to spend time together but theres so much happening that takes over so we never get a chance.

so just tell me do you still feel the same as when it all started because i dont no with you anymore.

i dont want to end up being dragged along if i mean nothing.

Invisible

It seems i only need myself these days...

or atleast thats what others seem to think.

i feel so alone because no-one seems to notice me, its like im wearing an invisible cloak that wont go away.

i get left out with not only friends but family to.

it seems everything could go on as normal if i disappeared.

i dont think im needed.

all i seem to do these days is cry a hell of a lot, iv discovered i cry way to easily but now it has just become a daily thing. any little thing can set me off and it can just be me thinking and i start crying.

i wish i could just escape and go somewhere completely new and start over where no-one knows me or my past and where just maybe i could be accepted and feel like im needed for something.

because at the moment i feel invisible everywhere i go (even with you)

can i just take this invisible cloak off??

Is it possible??

Yes its great to feel like you in love but is true love possible? and how do we know its true?

everyone seems to think love is about showing affection but it shouldnt only be that.
You should be able to talk for hours about anything, you should be so confident with each other just like best friends, you should love spending time with each other just taking without needing the physical to keep the relationship going.

if you have all this then maybe you could call it true love but to be honest i dont no if you can ever have all of this, its just to much.

is it possible?

"when you 15 and somebody tells you they love you, your gunna believe them." -Taylor Swift

Lies, secrets and bitchiness!!!

i thought we were over all this backstabbing crap!
but no obviously not. All i seem to hear these days is people talking about others behind their back and to be honest im sick of it, its pathetic!

and then theres all the secrets!! theres so many to handle. everyone is keeping something for someone or from someone. you cant talk openly to anyone anymore.

i dont want any part in this bitchiness that seems to be going on at the moment because its not doing anyone any good. its changing you and im not the only one who thinks so.

can we just grow up and get over it! whether it be the bitchiness about who likes who and who is getting with who, or just the secrets about everything!

it was never like this before, so why now??

officially cracked

ok so all this pressure has actually gotten to me. i have officially cracked under pressure.

i was studying before (i no its amazing) and i couldnt concentrate and i just got soo frustrated with myself because i couldnt do any of it! and then when mum tryed to talk to me about it i cryed! i mean come on! theres no need to cry! but i did because i know im going to fail and im just so stressed about it all.

i cant do anymore studying or i will actually go insane, iv forgotten all the important stuff i need to know and im going to fail!

so its official.
Holly Harrex has failed her exams!

to much...

so much is happening and changing these days, im getting all caught up and stressed about it all.
theres friends im worried about, friends i need to talk to, a boyfriend, family and exams to fit in all at once! i need to decide my priorities but everything seems so important that its taking all mt energy just to think about it all.

i need i break, i just want it all to slow down or even stop just for a day so i can have some time to get myself sorted before i sort everything else.

theres always more information to learn, new things happening and new things im finding out that just complicate life even more and i feel like im going to explode. i cant handle this pressure.

i want to be there for my friends, to be someone they feel like they can talk to. i dont want to let them down.
so please know that you can come to me :) i always put friends first.

well i guess this is just the normal life of a teenager, i will adjust to it eventually but at the moment i will have to survive. and hopefully it doesnt become to much for me to handle.

just something

i felt the need to blog but i didnt reli no what to write but iv come up with a few things that dont really relate to each other so im just going to write :)

...dont let others rule your life, tell you what to do or change you into someone your not. i see this happening in most of my friends, they are all to worried about what others think that they change just to be accepted when really there is nothing wrong with who they are :).
or theres the people that act one way in front of one group of people but then a different way in front of others, they need to just be themselves and stop trying to please people, if you cant be yourself around your friends then think 'are they really your friends?'...

...dont be afraid to state your opinion, its your opinion and no-one can judge you for it. if you have something to say just say it! lol sometimes its good to write something about a friend if its a concern etc because then it can break the ice for talking about it to your friend because it will let them no that you have concerns. so dont be afraid :) just write...

...i no iv gone on about not fitting into groups at school etc but iv now realised that you can never fully fit in, there will always be atleast one person that your friends are friends with that you can never feel fully accepted by. so at the moment i think im quite happy with were i stand with my friends and feeling accepted. i will always want to be accepted by more people but the reality is that it will never happen so im happy with my social situation at the moment for once :)...



well thats my thoughts for the day :)
i suppose they kinda did relate to each other.



xoxo

life mottos

"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry show life a thousand reasons to smile"

im guna try live by this one and at the moment it seems pretty easy because there is so much in my life to smile about. but then theres the days that just make you want to cry which is going to make living by this harder but with the help of friends etc i think i can do it :)

i just want to live a non depressing life because im sick of this sad depressing one where one day your happy and the next you dont want to live any longer.

so im determined to make this non depressing life work :) and just maybe it might rub off on others :) (if i dream hard enough)

"i dont regret the things iv done, i regret the things i didnt do when i had the chance"

i know that in a few of my last emails i go on about regrets etc but im over that now, i now realise that all these things have just made me stronger so that now i can not make the same mistakes again :)

iv learnt that before i label something as a regret i need to talk about it with someone first so then i dont get all down about it for no reason because most of the time my 'regrets' are really nothing and they are just life lessons that everyone goes through.

so the things i have done are not a problem its the things i havent done that i need to work on so i plan to do that and hopefully i succeed because i dont want to be worrying about nothing anymore :)

!

i dont no what to think or feel anymore!
im confused about how i should be feeling right now?
my emotions and feelings are just all twisted and confused and i dont no what to do about this situation im in.

i need help, someone to talk to or maybe i just need confidence in myself?

i just dont no if what im doing is right?

Dear friends...

...iv known you for what 11 years now? lol and you have always been the loud one who never ran out of things to say and i love that about you :)

but i can tell by your writing that theres stuff going on inside that your hiding and not talking about and i no I'm not the best person to be giving this advice but it always helps to talk :)

your a good friend to many people and i know people come to you for help so don't let there problems drag you down as well ok?

p.s I'm always here to listen :)...

...I'm sorry i didn't realise i had drifted away but I'm back now! and i just want to say you an amazing friend! i don't no what i would do without you. your always there and i hope you no I'm always here for you to :)

as we found out today there is still alot of stuff we don't no about each other! and its killing me not knowing! so hurry up and tell me!! lol :)

i got to no you in year 8 and in the last 4 years or so iv gotten closer to you :) and i plan to stay close to you for years to come whether you like it or not! :)

p.s if he hurts MY amazing friend il kill him! ok?...

...were not as close now :( but were still friends so I'm happy :) your always the one with way to much energy! which is fantastic, i would love to have your energy!

sometimes i don't understand the things you do but i still love you :)

we have been friends for a few years now and had soo many good times and I'm sure there is plenty more to come :)

p.s we need to talk more :) i feel like I'm way behind in the goss lol...

...i haven't seen you in forever! its just not good enough.

we were like pretty much sisters when we were little :) it was great times, lots of memories that il have forever. your a fantastic friend who has heaps of energy and makes me laugh soo much! lol we don't see each other much but i always look forward to when we do :)

p.s we need to keep in touch more :)...

...so much for spending more time with me, i should have known it wasn't going to happen. we talked about it and said we would but i shouldn't have gotten my hopes up :(

i want to spend more time with you because i feel like I'm losing you and theres so much about you I'm missing out on.

p.s we need to have a big catch up!...

...your amazing! i don't no what i did to deserve you :) you just make my life so happy.

i have all these feelings for you that iv never felt before. and i cant wait to see what our future hold :) its going to be great.

i don't no what i would do without you right now because you are pretty much my life :)

p.s i love you!!...

...i don't like you being so far away that i cant talk or txt you! :(

but even though you are far away i still feel like iv grown closer to you through emails lol. i know now that i can tell you anything and you wont judge me for it :) and i thank you for that.

your a great friend and if it weren't for you i would probably still be stuck in that hole i dug myself.

i hope you no that you can tell me anything and il try my best to help just as you have done for me :)

p.s i miss you!...

...i still don't no where i stand with you? we don't talk or txt at all anymore :(

did i hurt you when i done it?

please can we talk! i hate being like this with you :( you were a good friend and i suppose it probably is my fault we have turned out like this so I'm determined to fix it :)

p.s please talk!...

so to all my friends in general, thanks for being such amazing, fantastic people!! I'm trying to return the favour :)

from your friend Holly ♥

xox

The comments

"you could do better"

i got that comment today and at first i thought nothing of it and just didn't worry about it.

but later on thinking about it i started to pick my thoughts apart, i started to worry about what other people thought, i started to think that looks counted.

for awhile you had me thinking these negative thoughts about my relationship and i started to believe them.

but luckily for me as soon as i saw him those thoughts disappeared and i didn't care what others thought or if he was 'hot' or not, all i cared about was that he is mine and I'm happy :)

why should i worry about other peoples opinions? why should what other people say change my thoughts?

they shouldn't!

i used to be a person that cared about what other people thought but now I'm living to please myself not others.

so I'm keeping my thoughts strong and no-one is going to make me believe 'i could do better' because i don't want 'better' I'm finally truly happy :)

and i plan to stay this way for as long as he will have me :)

xox

♥

School

I'm fully over it!

the bitchiness, the groups, the popular 'cool kids', and the talking behind my back.

its all happening and I'm sick of it!

i want to get out! but i have to stay :(

people say aw high school will be the best years of your life. haha whatever! i don't no what happened to you at high school but its pretty much torture for me!

i can honestly say that i hate it now.

the people that hold grudges and believe whatever they get told just annoy the crap out of me!

and the people that talk about something between themselves when really they need to get the truth from the person it actually concerns! instead of believing all the lies! and stretching the truth!

everyone is always so depressed and theres always so much crap going on! which just brings everyone down. why cant school be a happy place? why cant we bring people up at school rather than bringing them down with all the negative talk and crap going on!?

then theres all the relationships going on! aw don't get me started.

"hes with her" and "shes with him"

"no but she likes him" "but i like him"

"aw hes just leading me on"

i strongly dislike these conversations. i am so happy i have a bf out of school! i get to avoid all the pressure and judgements of everyone around me. i just get to be me when I'm with him :) and its great.

i have to say the only thing good about school that i can think of at the moment is 2 people! if it weren't for them school would be complete torture! and i would consider changing which i really don't want to do.

well that's my rant about school :)

i officially hate it!

but i have to live with it, sadly :(

my guardian angel ♥

I'm so happy i found you :)

your a dream come true and i never want to lose you!

i believe your the one iv been waiting for.

you came at a time i was down and you lifted me up that's why your my guardian angel and i love you!

Others may not understand us but that doesn't worry me because we have each other and I'm happy.

I'm so glad we met again at get smart! and got to no each other.

get smart was amazing! it really changed me and you to :)

the speakers talked to me and even better than that god talked to me! i was like wow! and it made me realise i need to change and that now i can forget all my regrets and things i don't want to remember and move on in a life with him and you always by my side :)

your amazing and i love you! (more than you do! lol)

xoxo

♥♥

are you happy for me?

i don't no anymore, you seem so distant and i cant tell whether what iv done has hurt you or not.
you can hate me or love me but at the moment i cant tell which you are feeling, and its hard not knowing where i stand with you. so could you make it obvious?
i know that you may see it as to soon for me to have done this but I'm happy and if i made you unhappy I'm truly sorry because that wasn't my intention.

you don't seem to impressed either, i don't no whether you are happy for me or not.
you think it was to quick and i cant explain why it happened like that. i no that your just caring but I'm really happy, I'm on a constant high and life is really good for me at the moment so you have no need to worry :)

im happy with life and nothing is going to bring me down!
xo

All i have to say is...

THANK YOU!!!!!

you have no idea how much you have helped :)

You cant live a positive life if you think negatively.

For once i am actually thinking positive but it feels like I'm the only person who is these days.
Whats with all the negativity in this society? has anyone ever got any thing positive to say?
because I'm sick of all the negative stuff, its just pulling me down when i just got up from my last fall.

but i suppose i cant really talk because i had my big down moment where everything i said and thought was negative and depressing so i guess the situations have just switched. So now i realise how much my down buzz could have brought you down and I'm sorry if it did.

yes life may be shit and everything can go wrong which may make you go into the major down buzz but at the end of the day shit just happens and we have to learn to move on, some people are not worth feeling depressed for.

2 memories

i have these 2 memories going round and round in my head. i want them to stop so that i can move on but whatever i do they keep coming back. so i thought maybe writing them down will help, then hopefully i can move on.

This memory with him.
The conversations we had, i miss them.
we used to talk about everything and you made me feel so complete in myself.
but now that's gone, your gone.
we don't acknowledge each other any more and we rarely talk.
I'm trying to move on from those days and forget but our conversations keep coming up in my head making it hard.


This memory with you.
that night was perfect in my mind, just the two of us.
i thought that finally we had got the confidence, but i was wrong.
it wasn't long after this night that it all ended, and now we struggle to find the words to say when we see each other.
this night keeps going over and over in my head, the confidence we had and just the good memory.
i don't want to forget this memory but just for now i would like it to stop replaying in my mind so that maybe i can move on.


so can i move on now? from both these memories?

looking in the mirror...

In my reflection...

I see many flaws iv ignored and never cared about all these years.
i never worried what i looked like, but now that's changing, i see more flaws than anything in my reflection, because in this day and age image is everything.

I see a girl with so many internal scars shes hiding inside and she just wants to forget them or at least stop thinking about them so often, because they hurt.

In my reflection i see these things and many more that make me want to stop looking in that mirror so i can ignore my flaws and my past that brings me down.

If only i could explain why.

why am i like this?

i thought i had gotten over it and i had cryed enough tears!

but they keep coming, any little thing starts a flood of tears, my emotions are so unstable and i just don't no why.

like today, me and dad argued about a little thing, it was nothing really but the water works started! i was so annoyed, i couldn't stop them! they just kept coming.

i cant explain how I'm feeling. its a mixture of to many emotions for me to handle obviously and i don't know how to fix it. i suppose it will fix itself in time, its just going to take longer than i thought.

♥

Life...

I started to think what is life? and what does it mean to me?
I found this poem…

What is life?
Life is not knowing exactly what it is you want.
Life is wanting to take it away but you can't because you cherish it too much.
Life is being confused.
Life is at times being angry and wanting to cry.
Life is crying for no reason and wondering why.
Life is finding love only to have it taken away.
Life is allowing your heart to go astray only for it to be broken within a single day
.
What is life to me?
right now I can't tell, its up today and down tomorrow.
sometimes there's smiles, sometimes there's tears.
my life is thinking iv got it only to find out that it was never there.
my life is stressful for reasons that don't need to be, these reasons I still cannot see.

What is life?
Can you tell me?

Just being me...

Look me in the eye, please don't walk away.

Be honest with me and say all the things you want to say, i can handle it.

Don’t lie to me, don't pretend to be interested in me.

The girl outside is so much stronger than the girl inside that can't hold on much longer.

The girl outside is just a cover up, inside I'm about to break.

I'm so weak inside but it'll never show.

I need to break apart from this image that I've made everyone see and I just need someone to believe that I can overcome these things that drag me down and make me want to cry.

I just want to be me and not worry about other things because I'm sick of crying myself to sleep each night over things and people that aren’t worth the tears.

drowning...

I'm sick of crying!
I'm drowning in my tears.

i just want out of this stupid life I'm living!
I'm over it!
all its doing is slowly tearing me apart and the point where i break is coming soon if this doesn't stop!



why do you bring him up every time i try to talk about 'us' ??
he has nothing to do with it!
can you please just forget what he thinks and how he acted when it happened and just tell me how you feel about it?
because that would reli help me.


is life going to get any better any time soon?
please say it will.


on a happier note I'm going out this weekend! yay for once i have a social life :) it shall be fun.


thank you for your support :) i really appreciate it. you have no idea how much you have helped.
thank you :)


xoxox
ily

happily ever after...?

i dreamed it was possible and i believed i was living my dream.

but of course it turned out to be just a stupid fairytale that would never come true :(

i love you but obviously that wasn't enough.

-i know we didn't talk much but we were happy weren't we?

well i suppose its happened and its over now so i guess il live and move on.

I'm sorry it didn't work , i tryed.

il always love you! (even if you don't want to hear it)

xoxo

i should have known.

i knew this wouldn't last...

-the happiness

-the feeling accepted for once in my life

i should have known my luck hadn't changed and i would always be the follower trying to fit in.

i know i cant blame you and I'm not but why did this have to happen and why did it have to affect me like this?

i had just found myself but now I'm lost again

i survived like this before so i can do it again i just hope I'm strong enough this time, because at the moment i feel like I'm going to crack and theres no-one that will help me get back together.

I'm over this, all of this.

i want out!

why cant dreams come true?

i dream of a world with no struggles and where everything just comes naturally without even thinking.

i bet your thinking 'haha yea right! like that's ever possible!'
but i girl can dream right?

every night i dream of our teenage struggles just disappearing so we can just be us and not have any worries.
but i guess i should give up on that dream.

i dream of being able to just go up to you with all the confidence in the world, hug you and have the longest conversation as possible with you without ANY silences.
but i keep building myself up to just be disappointed.

i dream of a place where i feel totally accepted by everyone around me.
but i guess il be looking for that place for awhile yet.



all these dreams and more and have any come true? i don't think so :(
and il be lucky if any do.
but i can still dream and wish for them to come true.


i dream of a world where dreams come true, and maybe then il be happy.

life

Sometimes things happen that you can’t control. It completely tears you up and there is nothing you can do. You try so hard to be strong and get through it but nobody can ever understand because they don’t know what it’s like.

love <3

its the most amazing feeling! and its all because of one amazing guy :)

I'm just your average girl, i no I'm not perfect and i may be as far away from perfect as possible but i know that when I'm with you i can just be my my normal average self with all my faults in full view and you will still love me for being me :)

you've made me feel accepted in this confusing life and i thank you for that :)
i can now walk around with a smile on my face because i no i belong somewhere.

everyday i look foward to your hug, longing to be in your arms for even a few seconds, if i could stay there i would :)

i treasure every minute with you never wanting them to end, i live for you :)

i used to dream of the perfect guy i would fall in love with then you took place of those dreams making them come true :)

i couldnt ask for anyone better, your amazing!

i love you heaps!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

♥♥♥

Bring back primary school :(

what happened?
life used to be full of fun and excitement and i don't no about you but i had good times back in primary school.
-we didn't worry about who liked us and who didn't
-relationships weren't such a big thing
-we didn't feel lost when we were with the people who were supposed to be our friends
-we didn't have the pressure of being a teen
-we just cruised along and enjoyed life :)
-everyone got along

i look at life now and think i want primary school back!!

to be honest life as a teenager sux!
we cant get past the pressure that is driving us all insane!
-the pressure to be "cool"
-the pressure of school and teachers
-the pressure of friends

when does it stop! please make it stop!

everyone these days is so self conscience.
no-ones ever fully happy, there is always some depressing thing going on.

life's full of jealousy and i don't like it!
cant we all just get along and be happy for what we have got?

then theres trying to fit in! you never feel fully in place, everyone has groups and if your not in one its very hard to get in now!

can i just have primary school back?

just a few things i want to say :)

is it just me or has everyone changed?
i feel lost

we're drifting apart and you cant deny it anymore, i wish it wasn't happening but it is :(

what is wrong with you? hes happy cant you just be happy for him and keep your thoughts to yourself!!

we were so close then he came and stole all your time :( where do i fit in now?

i love you! you have no idea how much you mean to me :)

can you just go back to where you came from? you came into my family and now we're falling apart.

we need to stay in touch more



xoxo

life just got better

you asked and of course i said yes :)
you made my day, I'm so happy and its all because of you.

:)

i dreamt of this day and it finally came.
i love you and I'm not afraid to say it, your what iv been waiting for.

you make me so happy and I'm always thinking about you.

i sit there smiling because your on my mind or I'm txting you, my family doesn't no whats gotten into me because I'm so happy all the time but that doesnt worry me because i no iv got you and that's all i need.

i so glad i found you :)
i couldn't ask for more

i love you!

xox

That Feeling

love?

i dunno maybe thats it?

♥

offically fallin ♥

i used to hate life and i wanted to start over but you turned up and all that changed.

i now love life and each day i cant wait to see you even if all we do is smile and wave, it still makes my day :)

im not afraid to say i anymore, iv fallin for you and im finally happy.

when i found out you liked me i had to try so hard to keep my happiness in.

iv never been happier.

everytime i txt you you put a big smile on my face even when im not in the greatest mood.

your all i think about and i cant help it.

your the best thing thats happened to me.

xox

falling

im over my shyness, its holding me back from saying what i really want to say, i want to tell you im falling for you and that you make me feel good when i havent felt like that for ages.

i want to talk to you in person like we talk in txts but i cant and its real frustrating! everyones saying 'just go and talk to him its not that hard' but what they dont realise is how hard it is for me. i dream about having a full conversation with you and that builds up confidence in me but then all i have to do is see you and it disappears and i dont no why.

im really falling for you in txts but now all i have to do is get the confidence in person which i am determined to get so please dont give up on us because we can work :)

who is she?

iv lost her, iv lost everyone
you changed and left me in the dust confused and alone

we used to laugh and cry together and enjoy each others company. what happened?
i miss you, i really do, im completly lost without you
why did you change?
you turned into a... i dunno how to put it but it was him he changed you into someone your not and im not sure if i like the new you.

i should be happy for you, your finally happy with 'the one' but now hes all you talk about and suddenly you care about all the things that used to not matter but why??


please come back im lost and i dont mean to rely on you but your the only one that i can

Jealosly

i hate it!

everyone seems to be happily with someone and then theres me, im this pathetic lil girl who sux at socializing and cant make friends no matter how hard i try.

i want to feel loved and wanted and to love and want someone back!

but iv seen to many things gone wrong in relationships that it has scared me from trying no matter how hard i want to.

why did you have to screw your relationships up and bring me into it?

its affected me as much as you and i just want it to go away, i want to trust guys enough to let myself fall in love and be as happy as everyone else!

you keep telling me its not a good idea to fall in love but i see differently. i see couples walking down the streeet hand in hand, i see them smile whenever they see each other, i see them snugle up when they are cold or just need a hug and i can tell they are happy but all i feel is JEALOUSLY

its not fair

i wana feel the happiness evryone else has

would you notice?

you say now "aw no dont go, you can hang with me" but how long is that guna last?so tell me honestly, would you notice if i left?would you miss the girl that followed you round at lunch while we visited and talked to your friends.would you?would you miss the girl thats you talked to when it suited you, when you werent with your new popular friends tryn to fit in with the 'cool' crowd?would you?would you miss the girl that you said a few words to in class but then ignored when you were with your friends?would you?would you miss the girl who you have great with convos in txt but then cant seem to find the right words in person?would you?so tell me honestly would miss the girl who hid in the backround following others footsteps tryin to fit in?

do i change schools?

hmmm....
mum bought up the subject of changing schools again and usually i would straight away say no but im actually thinking about it this time (i dont no if thats a good thing) coz mum was saying how i need to get to no more people and blah blah

so im thinking about it coz honestly im sik of verdon and i still feel like i dont fit in, everyone has there groups and i have two friends 'woop woop' lol i try fittng into groups but they are all so tight and its impossible to join in and feel included.
i feel like im holding my two friends back from there other friends and i dont like that feeling so maybe it wud be beta if i go, of course i wud still stay in touch with them.

so yea im confused and i dunno what to do.

verdons a crap school but the people are cool if only i cud fit in

its hard

Overlook the times that he walked by. Overlook the times he made you want to cry.Overlook the times he uttered your name. What you must remember now is that you're not the same! Overlook that fact that he held your hand. Overlook the sweet things if you can. Overlook the good times and do not pretend. All you must remember now is that he's still your friend.

i hope we can still be friends

awkward

it wasnt supposed to end like this, yes i wanted the flirty stuff to end but not us as friends completly :(
i saw you today for the first time in ages and i didnt know what to do, it was so awkward and i couldnt look at you coz of how bad i felt for what i did.

i wana be friends, good friends that can tell each other everything and who enjoys spending time together just as friends but with us i dont think thats goin to happen. its always goin to be awkward with us and im sorry i know its probly my fault :(

i just want to start over! coz honestly where we are at the moment sux!

i found this on the net and it is soo true!

One Day LOVE met FRIENDSHIP....LOVE asked : Why do U exist when I'm here???FRIENDSHIP replied : To put SMILES on Faces where U Leave Tears....

love is a hard thing to get over but friends are always there :)

im sorry :(

im such a bitch!

how could i do that to you? i knew it wud crush you but i was hoping it wudnt be that bad, obviously i was wrong. i feel like crap, you still txt me and act like nothing happened but i know that i realy hurt you. about 2 weeks ago you sent me this (yes i still have it, i culdnt bring myself to delete it)

'i mis u so much i mis ur hugs i mis ur smiles i mis ur waves i mis being able 2 cum up bhind u 2 give u a hug im goin crazy ova u gorgeous'

it made me feel loved but then i had to go ruin it and break u in half. i needed to say what i did but it wasnt supposed to be so hard.

im so so sorry and i no we will probly never be the same again coz iv broken you more than once im such a bitch and im not afraid to admit it.

but could you please forgive this one last time?