admitting its over.

i dont want to admit it!

i love you and i never wanted this to happen. i wanted us to talk about it and then carry on together but you thought differently.

i was so happy, the happiest i have been in forever but now im back to where i started but only this time its worse because i thought we could last, i thought you were the one. i felt things for you that i had never felt before. i can honestly say i truly loved you.

all these feeling are still there and i cant bring myself to let them go.

you were a dream come true but of course i had to wake up from that dream.

we promised each other we would be together forever and i was dumb enough to believe it.

i pictured my life with you and i could see it happening.

i thought i had finally found my happily ever after and now that your gone iv given up on ever finding that again.

iv cryed a million tears for you and i think theres still more to come.

im sick of crying and im sick of all this pain but i have the feeling that they arent going to go away for awhile yet.

i need to stop loving you but i dont think i can, you meant to much.

i will always love you my guardian angel xo please dont forget me.

♥

I love you but...

i seem to be sending you a few txts lately with the words "hello r u there?" and then never getting a reply untill i send a few more and then im lucky if i get a reply.

i dunno maybe its just me but you have drifted, its like you have no time for me anymore with work and friends all being more important than me, i get left behind.

i know its not always your fault but i miss what we were like at the start.

i want us to spend time together but theres so much happening that takes over so we never get a chance.

so just tell me do you still feel the same as when it all started because i dont no with you anymore.

i dont want to end up being dragged along if i mean nothing.

Invisible

It seems i only need myself these days...

or atleast thats what others seem to think.

i feel so alone because no-one seems to notice me, its like im wearing an invisible cloak that wont go away.

i get left out with not only friends but family to.

it seems everything could go on as normal if i disappeared.

i dont think im needed.

all i seem to do these days is cry a hell of a lot, iv discovered i cry way to easily but now it has just become a daily thing. any little thing can set me off and it can just be me thinking and i start crying.

i wish i could just escape and go somewhere completely new and start over where no-one knows me or my past and where just maybe i could be accepted and feel like im needed for something.

because at the moment i feel invisible everywhere i go (even with you)

can i just take this invisible cloak off??

Is it possible??

Yes its great to feel like you in love but is true love possible? and how do we know its true?

everyone seems to think love is about showing affection but it shouldnt only be that.
You should be able to talk for hours about anything, you should be so confident with each other just like best friends, you should love spending time with each other just taking without needing the physical to keep the relationship going.

if you have all this then maybe you could call it true love but to be honest i dont no if you can ever have all of this, its just to much.

is it possible?

"when you 15 and somebody tells you they love you, your gunna believe them." -Taylor Swift

Lies, secrets and bitchiness!!!

i thought we were over all this backstabbing crap!
but no obviously not. All i seem to hear these days is people talking about others behind their back and to be honest im sick of it, its pathetic!

and then theres all the secrets!! theres so many to handle. everyone is keeping something for someone or from someone. you cant talk openly to anyone anymore.

i dont want any part in this bitchiness that seems to be going on at the moment because its not doing anyone any good. its changing you and im not the only one who thinks so.

can we just grow up and get over it! whether it be the bitchiness about who likes who and who is getting with who, or just the secrets about everything!

it was never like this before, so why now??

officially cracked

ok so all this pressure has actually gotten to me. i have officially cracked under pressure.

i was studying before (i no its amazing) and i couldnt concentrate and i just got soo frustrated with myself because i couldnt do any of it! and then when mum tryed to talk to me about it i cryed! i mean come on! theres no need to cry! but i did because i know im going to fail and im just so stressed about it all.

i cant do anymore studying or i will actually go insane, iv forgotten all the important stuff i need to know and im going to fail!

so its official.
Holly Harrex has failed her exams!

to much...

so much is happening and changing these days, im getting all caught up and stressed about it all.
theres friends im worried about, friends i need to talk to, a boyfriend, family and exams to fit in all at once! i need to decide my priorities but everything seems so important that its taking all mt energy just to think about it all.

i need i break, i just want it all to slow down or even stop just for a day so i can have some time to get myself sorted before i sort everything else.

theres always more information to learn, new things happening and new things im finding out that just complicate life even more and i feel like im going to explode. i cant handle this pressure.

i want to be there for my friends, to be someone they feel like they can talk to. i dont want to let them down.
so please know that you can come to me :) i always put friends first.

well i guess this is just the normal life of a teenager, i will adjust to it eventually but at the moment i will have to survive. and hopefully it doesnt become to much for me to handle.