Leaving it all behind

i cant wait to leave this crap in New Zealand and ditch everything for a week.

leaving my thoughts behind and going to vanuatu seems like a fantastic idea at the moment.
it will be so fun and exciting, i cant wait!

hopefully when i come back i will be back up from this constant down buzz. and i will be able to stay that way.
i will be so full of stories and memories i wont be able to contain myself and hopefully my happiness will rub off on others :)

im sorry im leaving at this time :( but im sure things will sort themselves out for you.
i will buy you something reli cool hopefully :) to make up for my absence.

i will miss you all and im gutted i wont be able to contact you at all :(
but i will txt as soon as i get back into New Zealand!

so for now i bid goodbye to this crap and these thoughts that i will hopefully leave behind :)

xo

no longer caring.

im over it! i worry about being accepted, being liked etc but i dont care anymore.

you can love me, completely ignore me or hate me all you like but honestly im not worried anymore.
i dont need you because all you do is bring me down and i can do that all by myself, i dont need your help.
at the moment im trying so desperately to get up, you have no idea how hard it is when im still thinking about you so im going to give up now, you should be happy.

i realise now that if i didnt keep txting you etc then i would have never heard from you, so now instead of txtn you hoping to get a reply when i never do, im going to give up and if you want to stay friends then for once you txt me first and ill be happy to txt you.

it wont stop

the feeling and the thoughts. they wont go away.

my head is full of you and its slowly crushing me.

the thoughts just go round and round all day untill i feel like im going to explode and scream!

i cant take it anymore.

i never thought i would say this but i actually want to forget because all its doing is making me brake inside till the point where i dont know if i can be fixed.

all i can think about is memories with you and i cant stand to see other couples so happy because all it does is reminds me of you. i see them together talking, flirting and holding hands which brings up an image of us in my head and i have to try so hard not to cry.

can you just please leave my thoughts and give me my broken heart back so it might have a chance of getting back together so i can carry on with life.

admitting its over.

i dont want to admit it!

i love you and i never wanted this to happen. i wanted us to talk about it and then carry on together but you thought differently.

i was so happy, the happiest i have been in forever but now im back to where i started but only this time its worse because i thought we could last, i thought you were the one. i felt things for you that i had never felt before. i can honestly say i truly loved you.

all these feeling are still there and i cant bring myself to let them go.

you were a dream come true but of course i had to wake up from that dream.

we promised each other we would be together forever and i was dumb enough to believe it.

i pictured my life with you and i could see it happening.

i thought i had finally found my happily ever after and now that your gone iv given up on ever finding that again.

iv cryed a million tears for you and i think theres still more to come.

im sick of crying and im sick of all this pain but i have the feeling that they arent going to go away for awhile yet.

i need to stop loving you but i dont think i can, you meant to much.

i will always love you my guardian angel xo please dont forget me.

♥

I love you but...

i seem to be sending you a few txts lately with the words "hello r u there?" and then never getting a reply untill i send a few more and then im lucky if i get a reply.

i dunno maybe its just me but you have drifted, its like you have no time for me anymore with work and friends all being more important than me, i get left behind.

i know its not always your fault but i miss what we were like at the start.

i want us to spend time together but theres so much happening that takes over so we never get a chance.

so just tell me do you still feel the same as when it all started because i dont no with you anymore.

i dont want to end up being dragged along if i mean nothing.

Invisible

It seems i only need myself these days...

or atleast thats what others seem to think.

i feel so alone because no-one seems to notice me, its like im wearing an invisible cloak that wont go away.

i get left out with not only friends but family to.

it seems everything could go on as normal if i disappeared.

i dont think im needed.

all i seem to do these days is cry a hell of a lot, iv discovered i cry way to easily but now it has just become a daily thing. any little thing can set me off and it can just be me thinking and i start crying.

i wish i could just escape and go somewhere completely new and start over where no-one knows me or my past and where just maybe i could be accepted and feel like im needed for something.

because at the moment i feel invisible everywhere i go (even with you)

can i just take this invisible cloak off??

Is it possible??

Yes its great to feel like you in love but is true love possible? and how do we know its true?

everyone seems to think love is about showing affection but it shouldnt only be that.
You should be able to talk for hours about anything, you should be so confident with each other just like best friends, you should love spending time with each other just taking without needing the physical to keep the relationship going.

if you have all this then maybe you could call it true love but to be honest i dont no if you can ever have all of this, its just to much.

is it possible?

"when you 15 and somebody tells you they love you, your gunna believe them." -Taylor Swift

Lies, secrets and bitchiness!!!

i thought we were over all this backstabbing crap!
but no obviously not. All i seem to hear these days is people talking about others behind their back and to be honest im sick of it, its pathetic!

and then theres all the secrets!! theres so many to handle. everyone is keeping something for someone or from someone. you cant talk openly to anyone anymore.

i dont want any part in this bitchiness that seems to be going on at the moment because its not doing anyone any good. its changing you and im not the only one who thinks so.

can we just grow up and get over it! whether it be the bitchiness about who likes who and who is getting with who, or just the secrets about everything!

it was never like this before, so why now??