and the feeling of being left out returns...

its back :( i thought it would be gone for awhile but its returned, i should have known.

i look around and all i see is people getting along real well with each other in there groups then away in the corner theres me, the quiet girl who gets left behind.

i try to be louder, to talk more and to fit in but i cant because thats just not me, i cant be who im not.

i get so annoyed with myself for not joining in but as much as i try i actually cant, you may think its easy and i cant explain why i think its hard. its just who i am and thats all that explains it.

i have wished plenty of times that i could change that fact about me but iv learnt that as much as you dream and wish about it they dont come true.

well i guess this is me and im guna have to live with it. but it wont stop me wishing to change myself and aslong as that doesnt come true ill continue being the one standing in the corner, the quiet one getting left behind.

Locked In My Heart Slowly Ripping It To Pieces

I dont go a day without thinking about you, your locked in my heart, i wish i still had you in my arms.

i miss it. the hugs, the kisses, the affection, everything about what we had. i just want it back! the feelings are still in my heart and the memories are still in my head.

i dont no what to do. i cant seem to move on from you and why i feel this way i dont no. i dont want to love you anymore but these feelings wont leave. and as long as they are there i will continue to hurt everytime i see other couples in each others arms because i had that untill you took it away from me and ended us. and ill continue to be alone untill your gone from my heart because with you in it i cant let anyone else in.

i let you in my heart, locked you in and threw away the key because i thought you would be mine forever.
but now looking back i cant believe i fell for you that much because i still cant unlock my heart to let you out and the only thing your doing in there is slowly ripping it apart.
and your just about ripping it into pieces beyond repair.


"why do i love you? i dont even want to" -westlife

still in my head.

i thought going away for awhile would help me to get over you and everything would go back to the way it was before but i guess it was wrong.

so now im home and still all i can think about is you, i lie awake in bed thinking about the things we did and all the memories.

i want you back but i know that isnt possible, i need to move on but that seems just as impossible :(

i never thought you would make such an impact on me like you did and i dont know why but i still love you. ♥

i never see you and i never txt or talk to you anymore so why do i still have all these thoughts about you going round my head? why do i still love you after everything that happened?

why are you still in my head?

can you please just leave.

Leaving it all behind

i cant wait to leave this crap in New Zealand and ditch everything for a week.

leaving my thoughts behind and going to vanuatu seems like a fantastic idea at the moment.
it will be so fun and exciting, i cant wait!

hopefully when i come back i will be back up from this constant down buzz. and i will be able to stay that way.
i will be so full of stories and memories i wont be able to contain myself and hopefully my happiness will rub off on others :)

im sorry im leaving at this time :( but im sure things will sort themselves out for you.
i will buy you something reli cool hopefully :) to make up for my absence.

i will miss you all and im gutted i wont be able to contact you at all :(
but i will txt as soon as i get back into New Zealand!

so for now i bid goodbye to this crap and these thoughts that i will hopefully leave behind :)

xo

no longer caring.

im over it! i worry about being accepted, being liked etc but i dont care anymore.

you can love me, completely ignore me or hate me all you like but honestly im not worried anymore.
i dont need you because all you do is bring me down and i can do that all by myself, i dont need your help.
at the moment im trying so desperately to get up, you have no idea how hard it is when im still thinking about you so im going to give up now, you should be happy.

i realise now that if i didnt keep txting you etc then i would have never heard from you, so now instead of txtn you hoping to get a reply when i never do, im going to give up and if you want to stay friends then for once you txt me first and ill be happy to txt you.

it wont stop

the feeling and the thoughts. they wont go away.

my head is full of you and its slowly crushing me.

the thoughts just go round and round all day untill i feel like im going to explode and scream!

i cant take it anymore.

i never thought i would say this but i actually want to forget because all its doing is making me brake inside till the point where i dont know if i can be fixed.

all i can think about is memories with you and i cant stand to see other couples so happy because all it does is reminds me of you. i see them together talking, flirting and holding hands which brings up an image of us in my head and i have to try so hard not to cry.

can you just please leave my thoughts and give me my broken heart back so it might have a chance of getting back together so i can carry on with life.