So Confused and unsure how to handle this situation.

everythings happening at once and leaving me no time to think things through but i think we are ok with where we are now and i think i am happy with that.

i just dont no, all i know is that i dont want to get hurt like last time.

xo

a song that i can reli relate to :) so i thought id share it

Another you- Cascada

So many times i was alone and couldn't sleep, you left me drowning in the tears of memory.

and ever since you've gone iv found it hard to breathe coz there was so much that your heart just couldnt see,

a thousand wasted dreams rolling off my eyes, times been healing me and i say goodbye,

Coz i can breathe again, dream again, ill be on the road again, like it used to be the other day, now i feel free again, so innocent coz someone makes me whole again for sure, ill find another you.

could you imagine someone else is by my side iv been afraid i couldnt keep myself from falling, my heart was always searching for a place to hide, could not await the dawn to bring another day. your not the only one so hear me when i say the thoughts of you they just fade away,

Coz i can breathe again, dream again, ill be on the road again, like it used to be the other day, now i feel free again, so innocent coz someone makes me whole again for sure, ill find another you.

sometimes i see you when i close my eyes, your still apart of my life.

but i can breathe again, dream again, ill be on the road again, like it used to be the other day, now i feel free again, so innocent coz someone makes me whole again for sure, ill find another you.

and the feeling of being left out returns...

its back :( i thought it would be gone for awhile but its returned, i should have known.

i look around and all i see is people getting along real well with each other in there groups then away in the corner theres me, the quiet girl who gets left behind.

i try to be louder, to talk more and to fit in but i cant because thats just not me, i cant be who im not.

i get so annoyed with myself for not joining in but as much as i try i actually cant, you may think its easy and i cant explain why i think its hard. its just who i am and thats all that explains it.

i have wished plenty of times that i could change that fact about me but iv learnt that as much as you dream and wish about it they dont come true.

well i guess this is me and im guna have to live with it. but it wont stop me wishing to change myself and aslong as that doesnt come true ill continue being the one standing in the corner, the quiet one getting left behind.

Locked In My Heart Slowly Ripping It To Pieces

I dont go a day without thinking about you, your locked in my heart, i wish i still had you in my arms.

i miss it. the hugs, the kisses, the affection, everything about what we had. i just want it back! the feelings are still in my heart and the memories are still in my head.

i dont no what to do. i cant seem to move on from you and why i feel this way i dont no. i dont want to love you anymore but these feelings wont leave. and as long as they are there i will continue to hurt everytime i see other couples in each others arms because i had that untill you took it away from me and ended us. and ill continue to be alone untill your gone from my heart because with you in it i cant let anyone else in.

i let you in my heart, locked you in and threw away the key because i thought you would be mine forever.
but now looking back i cant believe i fell for you that much because i still cant unlock my heart to let you out and the only thing your doing in there is slowly ripping it apart.
and your just about ripping it into pieces beyond repair.


"why do i love you? i dont even want to" -westlife

still in my head.

i thought going away for awhile would help me to get over you and everything would go back to the way it was before but i guess it was wrong.

so now im home and still all i can think about is you, i lie awake in bed thinking about the things we did and all the memories.

i want you back but i know that isnt possible, i need to move on but that seems just as impossible :(

i never thought you would make such an impact on me like you did and i dont know why but i still love you. ♥

i never see you and i never txt or talk to you anymore so why do i still have all these thoughts about you going round my head? why do i still love you after everything that happened?

why are you still in my head?

can you please just leave.

Leaving it all behind

i cant wait to leave this crap in New Zealand and ditch everything for a week.

leaving my thoughts behind and going to vanuatu seems like a fantastic idea at the moment.
it will be so fun and exciting, i cant wait!

hopefully when i come back i will be back up from this constant down buzz. and i will be able to stay that way.
i will be so full of stories and memories i wont be able to contain myself and hopefully my happiness will rub off on others :)

im sorry im leaving at this time :( but im sure things will sort themselves out for you.
i will buy you something reli cool hopefully :) to make up for my absence.

i will miss you all and im gutted i wont be able to contact you at all :(
but i will txt as soon as i get back into New Zealand!

so for now i bid goodbye to this crap and these thoughts that i will hopefully leave behind :)

xo