are you happy for me?

i don't no anymore, you seem so distant and i cant tell whether what iv done has hurt you or not.
you can hate me or love me but at the moment i cant tell which you are feeling, and its hard not knowing where i stand with you. so could you make it obvious?
i know that you may see it as to soon for me to have done this but I'm happy and if i made you unhappy I'm truly sorry because that wasn't my intention.

you don't seem to impressed either, i don't no whether you are happy for me or not.
you think it was to quick and i cant explain why it happened like that. i no that your just caring but I'm really happy, I'm on a constant high and life is really good for me at the moment so you have no need to worry :)

im happy with life and nothing is going to bring me down!
xo

All i have to say is...

THANK YOU!!!!!

you have no idea how much you have helped :)

You cant live a positive life if you think negatively.

For once i am actually thinking positive but it feels like I'm the only person who is these days.
Whats with all the negativity in this society? has anyone ever got any thing positive to say?
because I'm sick of all the negative stuff, its just pulling me down when i just got up from my last fall.

but i suppose i cant really talk because i had my big down moment where everything i said and thought was negative and depressing so i guess the situations have just switched. So now i realise how much my down buzz could have brought you down and I'm sorry if it did.

yes life may be shit and everything can go wrong which may make you go into the major down buzz but at the end of the day shit just happens and we have to learn to move on, some people are not worth feeling depressed for.

2 memories

i have these 2 memories going round and round in my head. i want them to stop so that i can move on but whatever i do they keep coming back. so i thought maybe writing them down will help, then hopefully i can move on.

This memory with him.
The conversations we had, i miss them.
we used to talk about everything and you made me feel so complete in myself.
but now that's gone, your gone.
we don't acknowledge each other any more and we rarely talk.
I'm trying to move on from those days and forget but our conversations keep coming up in my head making it hard.


This memory with you.
that night was perfect in my mind, just the two of us.
i thought that finally we had got the confidence, but i was wrong.
it wasn't long after this night that it all ended, and now we struggle to find the words to say when we see each other.
this night keeps going over and over in my head, the confidence we had and just the good memory.
i don't want to forget this memory but just for now i would like it to stop replaying in my mind so that maybe i can move on.


so can i move on now? from both these memories?

looking in the mirror...

In my reflection...

I see many flaws iv ignored and never cared about all these years.
i never worried what i looked like, but now that's changing, i see more flaws than anything in my reflection, because in this day and age image is everything.

I see a girl with so many internal scars shes hiding inside and she just wants to forget them or at least stop thinking about them so often, because they hurt.

In my reflection i see these things and many more that make me want to stop looking in that mirror so i can ignore my flaws and my past that brings me down.

If only i could explain why.

why am i like this?

i thought i had gotten over it and i had cryed enough tears!

but they keep coming, any little thing starts a flood of tears, my emotions are so unstable and i just don't no why.

like today, me and dad argued about a little thing, it was nothing really but the water works started! i was so annoyed, i couldn't stop them! they just kept coming.

i cant explain how I'm feeling. its a mixture of to many emotions for me to handle obviously and i don't know how to fix it. i suppose it will fix itself in time, its just going to take longer than i thought.

♥

Life...

I started to think what is life? and what does it mean to me?
I found this poem…

What is life?
Life is not knowing exactly what it is you want.
Life is wanting to take it away but you can't because you cherish it too much.
Life is being confused.
Life is at times being angry and wanting to cry.
Life is crying for no reason and wondering why.
Life is finding love only to have it taken away.
Life is allowing your heart to go astray only for it to be broken within a single day
.
What is life to me?
right now I can't tell, its up today and down tomorrow.
sometimes there's smiles, sometimes there's tears.
my life is thinking iv got it only to find out that it was never there.
my life is stressful for reasons that don't need to be, these reasons I still cannot see.

What is life?
Can you tell me?